turns out, kicking this project to the curb is not serving me the way i’d hoped.
world is simply spinning too quickly for me to hit pause on recording it in real time. significant things are happening, and they are piling up inside my skull, and must be downloaded. sometimes, i think about things too hard. not too hard in the over-analyzing, self-doubting way…too hard in the squinty eye, furrowed brow way. i want to remember it all so vividly and so clearly that i think it and think it and think it. once i notice a memory tumbling away, i think it back to focus. i’ve lost too many memories, i was irreverent with too many experiences. i’m trying to protect them all now. all the moments.
when i have too many tumbling about, i must clear them out. they work themselves up into a frenzy with all that tumbling between my ears, each vying for proper attention, protecting itself from ever becoming a ghosted moment in time.
this has been my tool. it was absurd of me to think about taking it off the table. like the Macaroni Piggies love to say “there is always room for one more.”
i can do THIS and THAT. especially since i’m not doing any THAT yet.
i want to remember the night that Devlin took a header off Betty’s bed and his arm snapped in two. i want to remember our reaction to that. i don’t want to forget how long it took for the 90+ minutes to tick and tock between our house and the emergency room in Lander. i wanna remember how brave and how clear Devlin was. i don’t want to forget his hike to Deacon Lake or his Non-Dominant Hand birthday party.
The Burnetts stayed with us for 18 days. i don’t want to forget any of those days. the hikes, the bikes, the Tetons, Daredevil Dip, Double Cabins, Yellowstone…i made a way to preserve those memories separately.
We watched an entire moose rut unfold right in front of us. For weeks. Two bulls fought for several days while the cow and her calf chilled nearby. We could hear their snorts. We watched them clank into each other. At night, they continued their battle and we listened to their mating sounds and their antlers crash in the dark while sitting under blankets on the porch. Eventually one fella was sent packing and the other lurked for another week. Occasionally, he was with the cow alone, but typically her young calf was front and center. One day he moseyed off. The mom and her baby stuck around. Who knows if they will be a posse of three come spring time?
We planned a trip over to the ski swap in Jackson. Shank dropped me off at the tippy top of Togwotee Pass and i rode my bike down, through the park, out past Teton Village to the Aspens. i made it in time for a Friday night 3-hour yoga clinic. we spent time with our goodest peeps and we scored at the Swap. the kids are outfitted to give-it-a-go in our backyard backcountry this season. November is the month of waiting for winter…
DW’s hunting season has been marvelous. i was around the morning of bow season that he shot his elk. i helped him to pack it out. such a different experience from the first time we packed an elk out together. live and learn they say… On a evening that i was in town teaching yoga, DW took the peeps out for a hunt. They shot a deer together. they hiked up to it, field dressed it, and helped carry it to the truck. they were both super proud and excited to share the experience with me at breakfast the next day.
We’ve got plans on the horizon. The peeps are breaking up the party. They have been sharing a bedroom since Devlin was 6-weeks old. After Christmas, they will each be given reign over their own turf. I’m real happysad about it. i listen outside their door often enough to know they will miss each other dearly, i also know the value of both privacy and space as you age. i’ll be sad to give up my upstairs studio. i love it. i have never taken it for granted. i use it allthetime. it has served me well – especially the view – and the angled ceiling – and the little nooks…but i will be moving in to bigger space, so there is value in that too. We decided to make the move after Christmas…so i could have a few months to dwell in the happysad of it i guess.
At dinner a few weeks ago, i mentioned that i’d like to ride my bike from Union Pass to Steamboat this summer. the homies asked what i’d do with them. i said that was the first part to figure out. they asked if they could come with me. they want to ride together. the train of us. me on Champ, then the trailer bike, then the Chariot. i couldn’t think of any reason to say no, so that is the plan. We will train a bit this summer. upgrade the trailer bike and the tires of the Chariot, wait for the mosquitoes to chill out, and head out for Steamboat in August. I reckon it’ll be our road schooling launch point. i’m incredibly excited for it.
aaaaand…all of October is Halloween for us. we try all month to put a fright in each other. we hide in closets. we wear masks. we wait under beds. we turn off the lights every night and play hide and seek in the dark. If you are a victim, and get the heebie jeebies from a scare, you declare “Dead Pumpkin”. it is as much fun as it sounds.
okay. fall downloaded. much better in my head already. whew.