july

bbN: “what the eff about me is intense? i truly do not understand why people, even my closest people, perceive me as competitive.”

JN: “the way you just asked the question. it’s intense. it does not put people at ease. you put people at high alert.”

i have tremendous trouble with the label of competitive. it makes me shudder. i cannot relate to it AT ALL.

yet it comes up overandover again.

i do not feel that i am a competitive person. i have never WON a single thing in my life. nor have i really strived for that kind of victory.  i am lucky to have been part of some championship teams doing what i believed in and felt i contributed to.

i say “i just can’t write. i don’t really have an audience to write to. who the eff cares about what i have to say. i don’t want to giveanyone TOPTENREASONSTOSMILEDAILY or IFYOUDOITTHISWAYYOUWILLLIVEINBLISS.

Deep Woods says “maybe people just want to hear your ordinary way about it all. you are just an ordinary girl doing your best to live an extraordinary life. and it’s pretty kick ass. you are crushing it.”

and it makes me feel better. i’m not the 1%. never have been. never cared too much to produce an outcome that didn’t suit me well.

and this is my story.

i rode bikes with DeepWoods today, and the Violet Vixen. It was tons-o-fun and i had a blast. we had not riddenbicylces together in YEARS. i felt strong, but most importantly, i felt HAPPY. it was a trip. i enjoyed all of the minutes of the entire trail. and it kept me in a great mood all day.

and tonight we had dinner with my best buddy Shank and his closest buddies  (Betty calls them his brothers).  i was constantly reflecting on their friendship, and on ours. and it held me in a state of incredible gratitude. those two fellas love and admire and value Shank as much as we do.  We share that in common and it is a legitimate bond.

i’m just an ordinary girl, who is living some extraordinary circumstance.

and in lessthanoneyear, i will be riding by bike from canada to mexico.

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