how do you tap into bliss? what is it, really? can it come in little hiccups, like the release you feel after holding a twist for many many breaths? or does it come in near-suffocating waves, like when you forgive a person? does it wash over you in the brief moments you float between being content and happy and being complicit and complacent? where and when can a person truly revel and wash in bliss?

when is the burden lifted? to grow? to deepen? to be your optimal self? to be better than yesterday? to be happy with what you have? to want to give more? to want more? to be self-confident, but to know there is room for growth? to be at a point on a journey, but not to dwell on the destination?

what does it feel like to just breath and just be?

that’s what yoga did for me. that’s what yoga has offered me. to be. an opportunity to take an hour or so to just be 100% exactly where i belonged on the planet at that particular moment and time. to not judge myself on any spectrum. to just observe where i fell that day. to not wish or hope for any pre-conceived conception, or expectation. to witness my own existence from a place of judgementless awareness.

how strong do i feel today? what is the difference in my right and left hemispheres? where am i vulnerable? how can i affect change there? where is there congestion? where is there fear? how can i not break through, but be with?

what can i do to strengthen? what can i do to soften? can i smooth out the edges of my breath? can i ease my transitions so that they do not feel so abrupt?

do i know myself? do i control myself? do i give myself?

enough…

e.e. cummings ( the fella i mighta fallen in love with had he been a contemporary) quipped

“My goal is always this: always to put myself in the place which i am best able to serve, wherever my gifts and qualities find the best soil, the widest field of action. There is no other goal.”

i get that in order to live here on the edge of the wilderness, i devote my gifts and my qualities to my family. i pat myself on the back at the same time as i look to double check and drop my ego from the experience.

i had a career. i had a life where all my choices and decisions impacted the lives and experiences of hundreds of families. it impacted the lives of countless staff. and i stepped away.

my field of action shrunk to what could fit inside a Subaru Outback.

where is bliss? the bubble-day mornings when we love-lump in bed and tickle and giggle and laugh about the day to come? the happy hour when we are together as the sun sets and we chat about the fabulous day we spent together?

i reckon for now, my widest field of action is my homies, my wee peeps, Deep Woods, Birch Dog (and the new puppy). when the time is right, perhaps my field will expand again.

in the meantime, i will remain open to feel the bliss envelope me in all the moments great and small.