Shattered brilliance

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It happens over and over and over…and I wobble between hanging on and letting go…constantly.

Today, I have chosen let-it-go. I need to practice this more often. It feels right.

Each and every time I walk out the doors of my cabin, alone, I am struck by brilliant thoughts. I’m talking PURE GENIUS concepts. And for the length of my run, or my day on the mountain, or my frigid walk home under the stars, I have it all figured out.

Things are crystal clear and wrapped up in tidy cliches and mantras.

I bound up the stairs with self-assurance and optimism springing my step.

Then I open the door.

And it all shatters.

And vanishes. Poof. Never-to-be-retrieved.

The self I wish to practice less, and thankfully is not always the front runner, pings myself in the brain and yells things like “write it down, duh” “take your ipad with you and dictate” “be productive””…

And the self I value a bit more says, “dude, that’s so cool that you just went for that great hike alone, and you had some time to think about some solid things. Someday, you might do something with those thoughts. Keep practicing. And for goodness sake, don’t get attached to your thoughts, let them go. Let them churn and circulate and refine while your busy with this phase of life.”

Never force it. Practice patience. Check your ego.

It won’t always be this way…and that’s equally a blessing and a shame.

 

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